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Three days ago, Jesus Christ died as a culprit.
Hung on the cross, everyone saw it,
But today, the news is buzzing, some are in awe of it,
The word on the street is he's no longer there!
The stone's rolled away and he's headed elsewhere!
The reports are still sketchy, but this just in,
There's a theory around, and here's the spin.
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Disciples steal body so no-one can flout it!
They came in the night, overpowered the guard
I guess with some kind of rock? Well, they must've hit him hard.
You say there were two of Rome's finest and best?
Well, I can't see his followers overcoming that test
This all sounds quite fishy, but this just in,
Another theory and here's the spin.
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Someone else stole the body in a freak breakout, it
Looks like they, again, overpowered the soldiers,
Who was it? Some're saying the public, others the scholars,
Others still for some profit, others for boasting rights,
It all sounds too wooly and hardly airtight
Hang on, a reporter's just handed this in,
Another theory is here and this is the spin.
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He never actually died, it was a stunt, just check out it!
Those nail marks weren't fatal and that spear was a fake
They swapped out the body while he was awake
But, wait, the priests and Romans recorded it all
In fact, they instigated this all, I recall,
That doesn't make sense, but wait, this just in,
Another theory my friends, and here is the spin.
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Disciples didn't really see Jesus, they just thought it,
All that grief and that loss must have clouded their mind,
After all, he was dead, they couldn't just find
Him all up and about in the garden nearby
Something in this story is definitely awry,
They must have mistaken another for him,
Well that's all we have time for, the theories are in.
The theories are in, now which do you choose?
I'd offer my opinion, but I'm only the news.
The facts are, he died, was buried and now he is missing
The one theory left, and that's a theory, I'm stressing
Is that he's actually living and walking around!
Some people're reporting he has actually been found!
Well, we're signing off there, what theory do you choose?
What if this was real? Well, wouldn't that be some news?
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